Running, pt. 1

I went for a beautiful run today. Sometimes I go running for exercise purposes, sometimes to clear my head. Today was somewhere in between. there's a point in the trip, every time this happens, where I reach a moment of clarity. I have a brief moment where I can examine everything in my life and see what I need to do to solve problems I may be facing. Today I was deep in thought, when out of no where this douche bag honks at me and yells something out of his car window. Now I ask you, did this man seriously think anything positive would come out of this gesture? He killed it, the one time of day where I get to be alone and think things through. So annoyed as I was, I kept going on my usual route. I decided to make a small veer off course and run through part of the park for some water. I sat on a bench for a moment, on the other end was this old man. He said good evening and told me that he met his wife in that very park, and he loved to take a walk there every now and then to think about it. It was like something out of a movie. Unfortunately, I had to finish my run, the sun would be setting soon, and I don't like to run after dark. So all in all, a good run. I'm sure there will be many more blogs about my running, I enjoy it so much, sorry if you hate it but then again you choose to read it knowing the title.

I never thought this would happen...

My friend sent me a link today to a porn, he swore that we knew the girl in it, I didn't. That's not the point of the story. I sat there for minutes today watching these two, armatures at best, doing well, the deed, and I began to cry. You see recently I was in a fairly serious relationship with some one, some one I cared deeply for. These two people on my computer screen made me miss the intensity level at which my former lover and I had sex, err made love. A porno, which if I am correct is supposed to make you feel ecstasy, not ball like your 16 and you just lost your high school sweetheart. I miss him, so much. I feel stupid, he didn't want me, obviously. I guess its pointless waiting around wishing someone was missing you. I miss laughing all day, and holding each other every night. I miss oversleeping on the weekends, and staying up too late together watching television. I miss the mind blowing love that we made together, like when we were together nothing else mattered, just that we were together in the moment, in love.

It seems strange that when you meet someone you think is right for you, you change everything about yourself that's broken. All the people in the past that hurt you don't matter to you anymore because for one brief moment in time you are happy. You hope and pray that this person you just put all your marbles into isn't going to be the next one on your list of disappointments and broken dreams. Mistakes you've made seem so far away, and so forgiven by this person and you don't even need to ask.

The thing I miss the most is staring at each other, not saying anything and knowing whats being said between the two of us. Is that what you call a "soul mate"? I hope not. I know in my heart that he must not have been right for me, there is someone out there for me who is perfect, at least a girl can dream.